Motion

Sometimes it feels like the world is moving forwards, but I am standing still. Sometimes it feels like I'm sat at the centre of a timelapse video, never changing, never moving, as the world and all it's people zoom by ... busy, occupied, purposeful.

Sometimes, I like to experience it, revel in the calm that falls with in my sphere. Sometimes it feels like I'm being left behind, forgotten, lost. No matter how loud I shout, no matter how many people I try to stop or catch up with. I hope, that someone in this world slows down soon. Catches me in the corner of their eye and breaks me out, takes me along for the ride. Because today, no matter how hard I try to fight my way out of this forcefield, no one can see. It's a one way mirror, shatterproof, sound proof. No one gets in, no one gets out. The world rushes by, unaware.

I will fight, I will scream. I will yell until my voice is lost, until my heart bursts, until my lungs can expel no more air.

I will be, I will exist, I will dream, until you find a way to break this prison. Until you set me free. Then, I will live. Love. Smile. Belong.

Then, I will be me.

Worst Case Scenarios ...

... yes ... it appears ... my husband has crowned me 'Worse Case Scenario Girl'. For every optimistic thought you can throw my way ... I will discover every worse case scenario possible. New shoes? Beautiful new shoes ... but ... what if those new shoes get caught in a grate, breaking off the heel and causing me to swear at an old woman, who in turn refuses to cook her husband dinner, who in turn refuses to go teach his astronaut children the way of space, who in turn go into space but unsure of what to do accidentally create a space time continuum, bringing about the events of time travel and the resultant butterfly effect of histories changed.

See.

Paranoia Princess? Anxiety Alice? No, able to jump to visions of horrific scenarios and the wrong conclusions in a single millisecond ... guaranteed to wash hands to a red pulp and perfect for checking every window is closed ... I AM WORST CASE SCENARIO GIRL.

OhnowhatifeveryonereadsthisblogandthinksI'mcrazy.

;o)!

WCSG x

Words ...

Words are powerful things. They change lives, alter perspectives. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Sometimes it's best not to use them at all. Keep them locked away inside. Words initiate, demonstrate, prohibit, release. Words destroy and create. They can change everything and nothing all at once. Some things that need to be said, should never be said at all. Words begin wars and bring about peace. One word can mean so much, bring happiness, contentment or terror and loss.

Each of us holds that power in our tongues, or fingers. Yet, sometimes we are too afraid to use the words we really want to. How can such little things do so much? Would the world be a better place, if we really said the things we wanted say?

The girl

She was there, always. Sitting, sipping coffee. Everyday, a look of loneliness etched upon her face. She was never alone, but it was easy to see she was lonely.

She had family. She knew people, but always that look clouded her deep brown eyes. One day a boy appeared in her life, he was different to the rest. He loved her with all his heart, and she him. But, despite his love, the loneliness still crept back in. For her family were far away, and often difficult to deal with. His family were close, happy, content. And whilst they embraced her, still an empty space sat in her heart. She locked it away for a while, the loneliness, but soon it crept back in. She found it difficult to stay in touch with people. She was scared to get close, afraid of being abandoned, as she had been so many times in her life before. By people she loved so dear. She was afraid of being taken for granted, because she loved too much and trusted too easily. So, she stayed close to the boy she so adored, and allowed him to shield her from the world.

Slowly the loneliness overtook her, and a small part of her soul tried to escape, back to the world of humans, of contact. She crept back to this world. Peered around the corner of humanity. Tip-toed into acquaintances. Then, from nowhere, as if fallen from the stars came an incredible person. A spaceman. He was bright, funny, welcoming. He made her feel at home. Later, the spaceman, brought along his beautiful queen; she too was a wonder to behold. She was similar to the lonely girl, she was witty and intriguing, captivating. The girl dreamed of being like her. Of being like her and the spaceman.

It wasn't long before she grew to love them both dearly, before she felt more at home than she had since the day her father, grandfather and sister had left her 28 years ago. She knew one day that the boy she loved, would grow to love them too.

Now I see the girl, staring back at me in the mirror. There is something in her eyes ... the loneliness dims. She is still afraid of being abandoned, of losing them. But, she is willing to love them for as long as they will keep her in their lives.

An actual blog ... of sorts!

It's been a weird week! A weird week indeed. Full of work, strangeness and lots of videogames. Well ok, mostly one videogame. Halo 3 must be learned. I must become bad-ass.

Well maybe slightly okay at it, at least ;o)!

I think I've fast become addicted to it.

And I <3 it.

Lost ...

Another face in the crowd. Another lonely soul. Another human with their own life in their hands.

We are but intelligent creatures roaming the universe.

Creatures with emotions, feelings, the ability to reason.

Sometimes I wish I was nothing more than a cat.

Miaow.

Never

Dreaming is believing or so I'm told,
I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in.
Dreaming is believing or so I'm told,
Never saw it coming, never thought it through.

Dreaming is believing or so I'm told,
I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in.
Don't open your eyes, don't tear this apart,
Don't listen to the sound of your mind calling.

Don't open your eyes, don't tear this apart,
Don't listen to the reality of your heart.
Dreaming is believing or so I'm told,
I'm never giving up, I'm never giving in.

Chaos

Change is always constant, future facing, the past can never be more than memories, histories, tales to tell. Our destiny is to move forwards, evolve, decay. Tomorrow will never be the same as yesterday, however similar it seems. In this world where routine and reality make each day feel like nothing more than a repeat of the last, we find our own ways of creating chaos; even though entropy creates its own chaos around us.