confusion

The question is, where do I go from here? Writing IT papers is such a fricking drag, and our company is moving soley to IT. He knows I can't write them, he knows I don't have the knowledge and there is no move to change that.

Does that mean I am being pushed out?

They tell the clients our expertise is IT & T but how can you be creative about fricking barcodes? Its a barcode system for crying out loud, what's creative about barcodes? Zebra's, oh yeah its been done already believe me.

I get berated for having lost the creativity I had when I was interviewed, yet if I show an ounce of creativity, the clients don't like it. They want their writing dull and upright, like themselves. Where do I win? Be more creative, you don't have it anymore, Don't be creative, we don't like to step outside the box. FFS there is no middle ground. There is no happy equilibrium. What am I meant to do? I don't want this to go tits up, but at the same time I want to feel passionate about something. At the moment I feel like this desk has more creativity than me.

I'm a fairly perceptive person damn it, and I know when things just ain't going right.

There is no need for me here, what can I bring to my job? With an IT specialist on board and a move to becoming an IT & T only agency, what place is there for some stupid artsy fartsy creative who has a head full of ideas that just don't work with stuffy idiotic IT companies. Oh believe me I know that my boss thinks this too. I can see it in the way he has started to treat me, I'm on the way out big time.

Cheesus, I wish I could apply for SCEE, oh my lord writing about computer games, so totally more my bag baby. I guess I don't have the experience though, or the European language for that matter :(.

This is supposed to be my dream job, so why does it suck? I'm writing for a living ffs, how amazing should that be?

Maybe I should just choose to follow my other path, open my own Jazz coffee shop, live in a land of coffee and music, smokey basement atmospherics, writers and poets adorning my bar. Urg why is life so freaking dreary and complex at the same time. Excitement damn you. Excitement and a little clarity on the whole situation :(.

Rant

I seem to have gained an inate ability throughout my life to chose friends who walk all over me and leave me to rot in their wake. How can it be humanly possible to have noone real? Noone but people I barely know in real-life or not at all, show a million times more heart and caring than those that called themselves my friends.

It seems nothing I do is ever right and I'm sick of trying to please the f*cking world for it to turn round and dump quite uncerimoniously on me.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Why can't I just be f*cking happy?

Cheesus, I believe in karma, but what crap did I do to deserve this f*cking life?

RAAAAAAAAAH.